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5 Love Languages In A Nutshell

Languages that birth long lasting relationships by Dr. Gary Chapman

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The book, the 5 Love Languages was written by Dr. Gary Chapman and was named the New York Times Bestseller in 1995. The book helps strengthen relationships between two individuals or groups of people.

Dr. Gary Chapman is a highly esteemed authority on love. With nearly four decades spent as a marriage counselor and minister and 45 years of marriage, he is a highly sought after and credible authority on the subject. He has also adapted his book on the 5 love languages for both genders and readers of all ages.

What happens after the wedding? It is this question that birth the five love languages. Now, what are they?

Love language 1
Words of Affirmation: For many, words of affirmation are great ways to show love. These include phrases of encouragement and genuine appreciation. To illustrate this, he used the example of a woman who wanted to know how she could persuade her husband to paint a room. Chapman said that her husband was already aware of her desire for him to paint it and that she would be better served to not remind him to do so. Rather, Chapman suggested she genuinely expressed appreciation for her husband whenever she could. Three weeks later, her husband had painted the room.

It is important to use words spoken in a kind, gentle tone. When your partner is upset, Chapman recommends responding in this gentle tone to let them know that you understand where he or she is coming from.

Promptly asking for forgiveness when you have wronged your spouse or there has been a misunderstanding and avoiding bring up past offences goes a long way.

Chapman also suggests that if your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, you should write down words of affirmation that you hear or see. This way you will be able to use those phrases later on. Also, saying good things about your partner around others is also a great way, as your spouse will eventually hear what you said.

Love language 2
Quality Time: Quality time is focused time, according to Chapman. When engaging in an activity with your partner, don’t engage in activities unrelated to your spouse. He meant to be keenly attentive.

Quality conversation is a sublevel of quality time. Quality conversation reflects the thoughts, feelings, and desires shared between couples.

Chapman then gives the following tips for spending quality time with your spouse:
√ Maintain eye contact.
√ Avoid engaging in other behaviors when your spouse is talking.
√ Pay close attention to your spouse’s feelings.
√ Observe body language cues.
√ Don’t interrupt your spouse.
√ Don`t forget the exchange of thoughts during conversations.

Love language 3
Gifting: Gifts are visual, tangible symbols of love. For example, rings are used in marriage ceremonies for this very reason. If a person removes his or her ring or throws it, it’s a powerful symbol of discontent.

If receiving these physical tokens of love is the most significant for you or your partner, then gift receiving is your primary love language. Giving gifts can be bought or homemade.

If giving gifts hasn’t been your skill, you can still learn this skill. Begin with a list of gifts your spouse has sincerely been grateful for.

Love language 4
Act of service: Performing acts of service included a wide variety of tasks around the house and yard that you know your spouse will appreciate. When your spouse’s love language is acts of service, filling up their tank is easy when you do loving acts for them.

Sometimes you may need to plan acts of services. It can also require hard work, energy, and your time; other times the tasks might be easy and quick to complete. Chapman used an example of a man who left work on Fridays and wanted to come home and relax. To help with this, his wife always moved the trash cans inside before he arrived home. This helped him feel loved and appreciated.

People’s actions during courtship don’t necessarily dictate how they will behave when they’re married.

When your spouse criticizes a certain behavior or action, it is their way of showing you their love language and needs.
When they do criticize you, asking questions is crucial in figuring out what they really want and then engage in service to fill that need.

Chapman also cautions people against making somebody be a doormat. Loving somebody means expecting they will treat you well. Becoming a doormat damages both you and your relationship. Acting as a doormat is a sign of fear not of love.

Love language 5
Physical Touch: This is not just any kinda touch! Physical touch acts as a manifestation of love since birth. Children who regularly receive loving caresses leads to increased emotionally health in adults. Also, it’s a crucial act of love within marriage, especially if physical touch is your or your partner’s primary language.

Touch is more centralized in sensitive areas such as your fingertips or your nose; however, touch is scattered throughout your body. Nerves then carry these impulses to the brain, which then assigns meaning to the sensation—either positive or negative.

Learning how and where to touch your partner to satisfy their needs is important for each couple. Chapman refers to this as learning their “love language dialect.” Touching them in a pleasing way demonstrates you’re aware of their needs.

Chapman defined touch into two categories: explicit love and implicit love. Explicit love includes things such as sexual foreplay, intercourse, massages and back rubs.

Whereas implicit love includes placing your hand on his or her shoulder or brushing against him or her as you walk.

You will serve yourself well by learning the love language dialect of your spouse.
It’s also important to remember that touching others people beside your spouse in intimate manners can cause your partner great pain if touch is their love language.

Furthermore, in the middle of crisis, touching your spouse can be especially meaningful and memorable. If you don’t touch them in the middle of these hard moments, it will likewise represent lack and be memorable in a bad way.

Do yourself and your relationship a favor by determining your primary love languages and that of your spouse.
The love tank is always full before marriage but in some marriages, after days, weeks, months, the tank decreases in volume because none of the couple knows what their love language is and that of their partner. But some partners had their tank full always because they understand each other.

1. Learn your partner`s language
2. Speak it
3. Remember that no couple or group of people will completely agree.

REMEMBER: This nutshell is an extract/summary of 5 love languages as highlighted by the author, Dr. Gary Chapman. It is more or less a review of 5 Love Languages. You will do well by reading the whole book. You can get it at any bookstore across the street. This, is one of the ways of sharing what I read with the world. Enjoy!

Do you like this review? Share with loved ones.


Copyright © 2018 | Obembe S.D (SirPhren)

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I am Obembe, Sunday Dapo (SirPhren). I am the owner of this EMPIRE. I am professionally a Registered Nurse and Passionately a Blogger. I love motivating people, reading and sharing whatever I know. We need to be constantly motivated to be able to push through whatever we want to do. I am also into Blog Designing. "Look within, the secret is inside you." To get through to me, am an email/ WhatsApp away. Am happy to have you around! Let's rock it together!

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BOOKS

What Makes The GREAT Great?

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Yeah, what makes the great great? You have seen their glories and you should read their stories. What makes the great great is a book written by Dennis P. Kimbro, Ph.D. I didn’t know about the book till I got to a bookshop In Lagos. Then I went in search of the 50th law of power by Robert Greene and 50cent. I couldn’t lay my hands on it and I asked the book seller to give me any nice book and he did give me What Makes The Great Great. I was glad he did.

“If you want to be great and successful, you must walk hand-in-hand with great and successful people.” Nido Qubein

The book tells of the stories of great men and women, how they were able able to stand out among the crowd and made names for themselves. The author introduces inspiring people who have achieved greatness in their own unique ways, then highlights the qualities each of us must develop before we reach our full potential.

Regardless of your definition of success, the book provides approach of turning your dream to reality. Greatness is guaranteed when you discover life’s true calling, live more courageously, access knowledge and creativity of your mind and embrace integrity in everything you do.

We all have seeds of greatness in us, what makes the great great provides the tools to discover and nourish those seeds.

Dennis P. Kimbro asked some great men and women the question, What makes the great great? See some of their responses below:

When Bill Pinkney [the first African-American to sail solo around the world and the forty-first man to do so] was asked what makes the great great, his response was; “Don’t wait! Now is the time to fulfil your destiny. We must act with courage; look forward with hope; and view life through a lens that defines what can be done rather than what cannot be done. If you are willing to work and never, never quit, you can make your dream come true.” What does this message mean to you?

Percy Sutton said, “If you have but one wish let it be for an idea.”

Robert E. Johnson, founder of Black Entertainment Television said, “Life is a grindstone, But whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends upon what you are made of. And Rev Jesse Jackson added, “You may not be responsible for being knocked down, but you are certainly responsible for getting back up.”

What makes the great great

Henry Park of Park Sausage said, “In one hand I have a dream and in the other I have an obstacle. Tell me, which one grabs your attention?”

When Reverend Ike was asked what makes the great great, he said, “Do what I have done. “Open up a can! The world belongs to those who say I can.”

Mae Jemison, America’s first black female astronaut, when was asked what makes the great great said, “Greatness can be captured in a lifestyle. Life is God’s gift to you, style is what you make of it.”

Quincy Jones said, “Greatness occurs when your children loves you, when your critics respects you, and when you have peace of mind.”

Cornel West, an author and a professor said, “If you want to be great, you must serve willingly and love greatly.”

Oseola McCarty said, “Do as much as you can for as many as you can.”

And according to my observation, the greats are the people who understands what it means to simplify. They are the people who face one thing, face one passion and give in their best and do not believe in being jack of all trades. They are the people with determination and unshaken focus to do what they put before them. They are the people who have desires that burn. They are the people who say I will do this and never give up until they do. – SirPhren

Do you want to be great in that field you have chosen? Now you have just read about the opinions of some of the great men and women who have lived before us. Some of what they said is still valid and it will be nice to practice them.

There is only one thing that can stop you from being great. Do you want to know? Only you can stop you.

Robert Browning said, “When a man’s fight begins within himself, he is worth something.” And Bhagavad-Gita concluded, “A man’s own self is his friend, a man’s own self is his foe.”

If you really want to get your life together, this is one of the books you should probably read.

Which of these answers to what makes the Great great your favorite? Do you also know of other qualities of the Greats? Do share with me in the comment below.

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BOOKS

Learn 7 Cures To Lean Purse

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We all had lean purse and we could not make them fat. Not because we couldn’t but weren’t aware of how to. But as soon as I was able to lay my hands on The wealthy Barber Returns and The Richest Man In Babylon, I knew how and In this post, am going to share with you.

Are you looking for ways to fatten your purses? Who wouldn’t want to! These seven cures have been around us for the beginning of time we weren’t just aware or we didn’t have someone who could have told us before now. But now you know them.

1). Start your purse to fattening

You can refer to this cure simply as SAVINGS. How do you start your purse to fattening via savings? It is simple and also difficult. Simple in the sense that you will have to save some percentages of your monthly income, at least, 10%. Difficult in the sense that you will have to discipline yourself to do it for a very very long time.

“Which desirest thou the most? Is it the gratification of thy desires of each day, a jewel, a bit of finery, better raiment, more food; things quickly gone and forgotten? Or is it substantial belongings, gold, lands, herds, merchandise, income-bringing investments? The coins you take from your purse bring the first. The coins you leave within will bring the latter.

2). Control Your Expenditure

How can a man keep one-tenth of all he earns in his purse when all the coins he earns are not enough for his necessary expenses?

That what each of us calls our ‘necessary expenses‘ will always grow to equal our incomes unless we protest to the contrary. “Confuse not the necessary expenses with your desires.

“Study thoughtfully your accustomed habits of living. Let your motto be one hundred percent of appreciated value demanded for each coin spent.

Budget your expenses that you may have coins to pay for your necessities, to pay for your enjoyments and to gratify your worthwhile desires without spending more than nine-tenths of your earnings.”

3). Make your gold multiply

Now that your lean purse is fattening, it is time to put it into labour that it can work for you and multiply. The money you saved do nothing than to just stay there. To make your purse fatten more, Arkad advised, learn to invest your savings. When you invest your coins, if wisely done, shall bring more coins to you. But if done without knowledge, shall take more out of your purse. To make your gold multiply, learn from those experienced and trustworthy in investment.

Put each coin to laboring that it may reproduce its kind even as the flocks of the field and help bring to thee income, a stream of wealth that shall flow constantly into your purse.”

George Clason 7 cure to lean purse

4). Guard your treasure from loss

“Misfortune loves a shining mark. Gold in a man’s purse must be guarded with firmness, else it be lost. Thus it is wise that we must first secure small amounts and learn to protect them before the Gods entrust us with larger.” So spoke Arkad.

It is easier for us to be tempted by opportunities around us. It is easier for friends to lure us away from our goals. Yes, we do feel pitiful. But with all these, you must guard your investment from loss.

Arkad advised, “study carefully, before parting with your treasure, each assurance that it may be safely reclaimed. Be not misled by thine own romantic desires to make wealth rapidly.

“Before you loan it to any man assure yourself of his ability to repay and his reputation for doing so, that you may not unwittingly be making him a present of your hard-earned treasure.

“Before you entrust it as an investment in any field acquaint yourself with the dangers which may beset it. Be not too confident of your own wisdom in entrusting your treasures to the possible pitfalls of investments. Better by far to consult the wisdom of those experienced in handling money for profit.

Guard your treasure from loss by investing only where your principal is safe, where it may be reclaimed if desirable, and where you will not fail to collect a fair rental. Consult with wise men. Secure the advice of those experienced in the profitable handling of gold. Let their wisdom protect your treasure from unsafe investments.”

5). Make of your dwelling a profitable investment

Be always eager to build your house than pay for rent. If you want to decide which of either car or house to go for, what will you choose? To build a house or buy a car? You will be filled with happiness when you live in your own house than the fear of being evicted. Owning your own house reduces your expenses. Let go of the immediate gratification…own thy own house!

6). Provide for old age

Provide in advance for the needs of your growing age and the protection of thy family. Don’t live to gratify all distracting pleasurable things around you. Don’t live all from hand to mouth.

7). Increase your ability to earn

Do you have the desire to earn more? Then let your desire burns “Preceding accomplishment must be desire. Before you can accomplish more, you must desire more. Your desires must be strong and definite.

Cultivate your own powers, to study and become wiser, to become more skillful, to so act as to respect thyself. Then shall you acquire confidence in yourself to achieve your carefully considered desires.

These are the seven cures as stated in the book, Richest Man In Babylon

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BOOKS

Story Weaved Out Of 21 Books That Changed My Life – Ogunleye Ayodeji

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Trailblazer

I, Ogunleye Ayodeji, have been thinking about my existence recently as my life appears to be hitting rock bottom and I realized that before it gets too late, I seriously need to start 1GETTING THINGS DONE by following strictly 2THE 5OTH LAW so that my life will move from 3ZERO TO ONE, to achieve this, I need to understand 4HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING because my worries will only keep me at point zero. As I recall the story my dad told me about how 5THE RICHEST MAN IN BABYLON came to be because he understood clearly 6THE SCIENCE OF GETTING RICH and 7THE RULES OF WORK.

In my quest to get my ship sailing again, I was advised to be intellectually sound by reading books and learn more about great men of past centuries and so I started with the 8AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF GANDHI, this really ignited the passion for success in me as I vowed to make my financial life work again, 9THE WEALTHY BARBER RETURNS was the book that came to the rescue, a sigh of relief ploughed through my mind.

I never thought I could fall in love all through my darkest moments as I have been made to believe that 10MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS – an entirely different world that could make love looks like a rocket science until I met 11THE SMART MONEY WOMAN who taught me 12THE PSYCHOLOGY OF ROMANTIC LOVE. Falling in love made me realize that there is more to life as I became more in tune with reality, this helped me to see life more clearly and understand 13WHY BRILLIANT PEOPLE BELIEVE NONSENSE.

At last, my life began to take shape and make meaning at a dizzying pace than expected because I did more for myself than pity by jumping out of the 14CAT’S CRADLE exposing myself to new realities, cultures and traditions across the globe. This took me on a fascinating journey to New York where I met 15THE CAPITALIST NIGGER. He told me lots of stories, one of which was 16HOW EUROPE UNDERDEVELOPED AFRICA. While in New York, I attended J.C. Maxwell’s seminar on 1721 IRREFUTABLE LAWS OF LEADERSHIP, it was an experience I would cherish for a long time to come. I later learned that in the year 18NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR(1984), 19MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING became intensified.

On my last day in New York, I stumbled upon an article in the NEW YORK TIMES which reads – 20SOCIAL ENGINEERING : THE ART OF HUMAN HACKING, I ensured I got a copy of the paper which I read on my way back to Nigeria. It gave me an insight on how to use people to my advantage, a much needed tool if I must remain at the top. My success story and rise to glory will not be complete if I fail to summarize the lessons I learnt in all my travails and journeys to good life which is – you must learn to 21EAT THAT FROG.

Here’s the concoction of one of the winners for the words smith (weave title contest) competition held on Thinkerspool, Nigeria’s foremost online readers’ club.

What the contest entails was for members of the platform to weave together title of books that had been reviewed on the platform to make meaningful stories or sentences.

It was a show of creativity and intellectual prowess as members showed classical wit in the way they conjured and used titles of 21 books to form a whole lots of amazing storyline.

In the story below, the writer used the titles of 21 books to tell a story of emergence of a fellow who was almost at his lowest ebb to a point where light was shone at the end of his tunnel.

The book titles are in block letters, in bold and numbered.

Do enjoy the story and rate it afterwards.

Ogunleye Ayodeji Oladoyin (Trailblazer)

Connect with him on ==>whatsApp<==

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