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BOOKS

5 Love Languages In A Nutshell

Languages that birth long lasting relationships by Dr. Gary Chapman

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The book, 5 Love Languages was written by Dr. Gary Chapman and was named the New York Times Bestseller in 1995. The book helps strengthen relationships between two individuals or groups of people.

Dr. Gary Chapman is a highly esteemed authority on love. With nearly four decades spent as a marriage counselor and minister and 45 years of marriage, he is a highly sought after and credible authority on the subject. He has also adapted his book on the 5 love languages for both genders and readers of all ages.

What happens after the wedding? It is this question that birth the five love languages. Now, what are they?

Love language 1

Words of Affirmation: For many, words of affirmation are great ways to show love. These include phrases of encouragement and genuine appreciation. To illustrate this, he used the example of a woman who wanted to know how she could persuade her husband to paint a room. Chapman said that her husband was already aware of her desire for him to paint it and that she would be better served to not remind him to do so. Rather, Chapman suggested she genuinely expressed appreciation for her husband whenever she could. Three weeks later, her husband had painted the room.

It is important to use words spoken in a kind, gentle tone. When your partner is upset, Chapman recommends responding in this gentle tone to let them know that you understand where he or she is coming from.

Promptly asking for forgiveness when you have wronged your spouse or there has been a misunderstanding and avoiding bring up past offences goes a long way.

Chapman also suggest that if your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, you should write down words of affirmation that you hear or see. This way you will be able to use those phrases later on. Also, saying good things about your partner around others is also a great way, as your spouse will eventually hear what you said.

Love language 2

Quality Time: Quality time is focused time, according to Chapman. When engaging in an activity with your partner, don’t engage in activities unrelated to your spouse. He meant to be keenly attentive.

Quality conversation is a sublevel of quality time. Quality conversation reflects the thoughts, feelings, and desires shared between couples.

Chapman then gave the following tips for spending quality time with your spouse:
√ Maintain eye contact.
√ Avoid engaging in other behaviors when your spouse is talking.
√ Pay close attention to your spouse’s feelings.
√ Observe body language cues.
√ Don’t interrupt your spouse.
√ Don`t forget the exchange of thoughts during conversations.

Love language 3

Gifting: Gifts are visual, tangible symbols of love. For example, rings are used in marriage ceremonies for this very reason. If a person removes his or her ring or throws it, it’s a powerful symbol of discontent.

If receiving these physical tokens of love is the most significant for you or your partner, then gift receiving is your primary love language. Giving gifts can be bought or homemade.

If giving gifts hasn’t been your skill, you can still learn this skill. Begin with a list of gifts your spouse has sincerely been grateful for.

Love language 4

Act of service: Performing acts of service included a wide variety of tasks around the house and yard that you know your spouse will appreciate. When your spouse’s love language is acts of service, filling up their tank is easy when you do loving acts for them.

Sometimes you may need to plan acts of services. It can also require hard work, energy, and your time; other times the tasks might be easy and quick to complete. Chapman used an example of a man who left work on Fridays and wanted to come home and relax. To help with this, his wife always moved the trash cans inside before he arrived home. This helped him feel loved and appreciated.

People’s actions during courtship don’t necessarily dictate how they will behave when they’re married.

When your spouse criticizes a certain behavior or action, it is their way of showing you their love language and needs. When they do criticize you, asking questions is crucial in figuring out what they really want and then engage in service to fill that need.

Chapman also cautions people against making somebody be a doormat. Loving somebody means expecting they will treat you well. Becoming a doormat damages both you and your relationship. Acting as a doormat is a sign of fear not of love.

Love language 5

Physical Touch: This is not just any kinda touch! Physical touch acts as a manifestation of love since birth. Children who regularly receive loving caresses leads to increased emotionally health in adults. Also, it’s a crucial act of love within marriage, especially if physical touch is your or your partner’s primary language.

Touch is more centralized in sensitive areas such as your fingertips or your nose; however, touch is scattered throughout your body. Nerves then carry these impulses to the brain, which then assigns meaning to the sensation—either positive or negative.

Learning how and where to touch your partner to satisfy their needs is important for each couple. Chapman refers to this as learning their “love language dialect.” Touching them in a pleasing way demonstrates you’re aware of their needs.

Chapman defined touch into two categories: explicit love and implicit love. Explicit love includes things such as sexual foreplay, intercourse, massages and back rubs.

Whereas implicit love includes placing your hand on his or her shoulder or brushing against him or her as you walk.

You will serve yourself well by learning the love language dialect of your spouse.

It’s also important to remember that touching others people beside your spouse in intimate manners can cause your partner great pain if touch is their love language.

Furthermore, in the middle of crisis, touching your spouse can be especially meaningful and memorable. If you don’t touch them in the middle of these hard moments, it will likewise represent lack and be memorable in a bad way.

Do yourself and your relationship a favor by determining your primary love languages and that of your spouse.
The love tank is always full before marriage but in some marriages, after days, weeks, months, the tank decreases in volume because none of the couple knows what their love language is and that of their partner. But some partners had their tank full always because they understand each other.

1. Learn your partner`s language
2. Speak it
3. Remember that no couple or group of people will completely agree.

REMEMBER: This nutshell is an extract/summary of 5 love languages as highlighted by the author, Dr. Gary Chapman. It is more or less a review of 5 Love Languages. You will do well by reading the whole book. You can get it at any bookstore across the street.

Do you like this review? Endeavor to share and help a relationship.

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Hi, I am Obembe, Sunday Dapo (SirPhren). I am the founder of this EMPIRE. I am a Registered Nurse, a Blogger and a Motivational Writer. I love sharing my knowledge with others. Am also an author on General Health Info and Health Info Corner. "Look within, the secret is inside you." To get through to me or HIRE me, am an email/ WhatsApp away. Am happy to have you around! Let's rock it together!

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BOOKS

12 Insights From “Power Of Positive Thinking”

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The book, Power of positive thinking was written by Norman Vincent Peale as far back as 1952. What the book demonstrated was that “a change in person’s attitude will change his/her life.

The book also talked about how one can harness the power of positive thinking to strengthens his/her belief, crawl out of worrying, stay energetic and connect with higher power by citing examples of how some people were able to change their lives via positive thinking and affirmation.

Who Is Norman Vincent Peale?

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale was a minister and author and a progenitor of the theory of positive thinking. He was born on May 31, 1898, in Bowersville, Ohio. He earned degrees at Ohio Wesleyan University(where he became a brother of the fraternity of Phi Gamma Delta) and Boston School of Theology. Read more about him here.

The insights from the book are as follows;

• Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. But with self-confidence you can succeed.

• Attitudes are more important than facts, Dr. karl menninger added, “any fact facing us, even the most hopeless, is not as important as our attitude toward the fact.”

• Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. Everything passes away except God. God alone is sufficient.

• To live with constant energy, it is also important to get your emotional faults corrected, said Knute Rockne (Football coach). He added, I have to get most energy out of a man, and have discovered that it cannot be done if he hates another man.”

• To solve your problem via prayer, vincent Peale advised to use this formular. Prayerize, Picturize and Actualize. Pray, print a picture of it on your mind as happening, holding the picture firmly in consciousness. And act as if your prayer has been answered.

• People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln. You can be happy, so also you can unhappy if you want to be.

• To make the best use of your day, start it by saying to yourself, “I believe I can successfully handle all problems that arise today. I feel good physically, mentally and emotionally.”

The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Fill your life with love. Scatter sunshine. Forget self, think of others. Do as you would be done by.

• “Our belief at the beginning of a doubtful undertaking is the one thing that ensures the successful outcome of your venture.” William James

• Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow.” First believe it can done and then go ahead with the task. Fire the heart with where you want to go and what you want to be. Get it deeply fixed in your subconscious that you will take no for an answer, then your entire personality will follow where your heart leads.

• What we do with obstacles is directly determined by our mental attitude. The rough is only mental. It is rough because you think it is.

• But this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Phil 3: 13-14).

Norman Vincent Peale’s Formula for breaking worry habit

1. Say to yourself, “Worry is just a very bad mental habit. And I can change any habit with God’s help.”

2. First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, “I believe,” three times.

3. Pray, using this formula: “I place this day, my life, my loved ones, my work in the Lord’s hands. Whatever happens, whatever results, if I am in the Lord’s hands, it is the Lord’s will and it is good.”

4. Practice saying something positive concerning everything about which you have been talking negatively. Don’t say, “I’ll never be able to do that.” Instead, affirm, “With God’s help I will do that.”

5. Never participate in a worry conversation.

6. Mark every passage in the Bible that speaks of faith, hope, happiness, glory, radiance. Commit each to memory. Say them over and over again until these creative thoughts saturate your subconscious mind. Then the subconscious will return to you what you have given it, namely, optimism, not worry.

7. Cultivate friendships with hopeful people. Surround yourself with friends who think positive, faith-producing thoughts and who contribute to a creative atmosphere. This will keep you re-stimulated with faith attitudes.

8. See how many people you can help to cure their own worry habit. In helping another to overcome worry you get greater power over it within yourself.

9. Every day of your life conceive of yourself as living in partnership and companionship with Jesus Christ. If He actually walked by your side, would you be worried or afraid? Well, then, say to yourself, “He is with me.” Affirm aloud His promise, “I am with you always.” Then change it to say, “He is with me now.” Repeat the affirmation three times every day.

If you have not read the book, make it one of your reading list. If you have, feel free to share what you learnt from it and show the love by sharing to others.

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